Kiki Harshman http://barema.wordpress.com/ challenged me with: Have a conversation with a deity. I found this to be fun and complex at the same time. Sort of turned into a letter – I guess that’s the writer in me.
Are you there, God, it’s me . . . sorry, I couldn’t resist. No, I’m long past the training bra, and into the second half of my life, I think, now that I’m 40 (and three weeks!)
So, God, I know you haven’t heard from me in a long time. I have been working through some things and you may have noticed that for the last 16 years or so, you haven’t been a part of that process. Oh, you’ve been on my mind. But you haven’t been an active participant, and that’s been my choice.
It all goes back to those early days. We arrived, our family of five, early for church each Sunday. First or second pew. When the brothers were old enough, alter boys. Parents were lay ministers, taking communion to the hospital for those who couldn’t get to church. Mom was head of CCD – Children’s Christian Development, also known as Children’s City Dump by those who roamed the halls. Priests and even the bishop came for dinner on Sundays. Oh we were rolling in the stuff.
Then came the parents’ divorce.
“Divorce?” you and your friends said. “Well, that aint cool. Please leave your weekly contribution in the basket on the way out. Okay, an annulment? Sure, we’ll put you through that total hell and then have people sign papers that say you were never married before the eyes of God.”
Umm, so God, where does that leave me and my two brothers? You know, we did all that stuff you told us to do. The first communion and the confession (that’s just plain weird) - - and now we don’t really exist?
So yes that’s all ancient history. How do we get to today without rehashing it all? I mean after all, I am not sure of your hourly rate and I am saving for a scooter. I just reread my little conversation and I already sound bitter. Not my initial goal but as Harry Chapin says “we talked and we talked all afternoon. We talked what life’s about. We talked cause the talking tells you things that you really are thinking about.”
So that whole process thing. The goal? To uncover or dig out or discover or rediscover that simple knowledge that you exist. It is buried so deep. The search seems somewhat physical and once I’m done I feel that you won’t look or sound or smell the same as you did when I was young and wearing those uncomfortable white patent leather shoes and sitting in the first pew. I am hopeful that you will look welcoming and reassuring. I am hopeful that I will meet you long before I actually need to. I am hopeful I’ll then have the confidence to speak to you on a regular basis and not have to reintroduce myself each time we meet.
Until then, be well.
I challenged Billy Flynn with I felt it change and I knew it would never go back and this was the response, please give it a read!!
As always, come see what www.indieink.org is all about. It’s been a great experience for me as a semi-retired writer.
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